Let's Get Real

I'm a wife first and always.
As long as that stays in place everything else works out for me.

My kids suck the life out of me...  and I don't even mind. Those life suckers are mine and one day I'm going to consistently sleep through the night when there are no little bodies waking me up because they can't sleep or when they get home late at night and I'm going to miss it and I know it. They are my most important work in this life and let's be real - I'm probably going to screw it up. Because...

I love those feet

Toes for days!

I love these feet. I love the tiny ones and the bigger ones (though they are all still pretty small). I love that their toes look like little squishy balls.

Oh yeah, and their feet are clean! (But wouldn't that be an image with muddy dirty feet in my clean white bed!)

With 4 boys ages 1-7 this image is kind of a miracle in itself. They were cooperative, and even excited about it. I have an image similar to this of my oldest two that hangs on our wall, and they were happy to try to recreate the image with their younger brothers :)

But those feet! I love their feet! I am grateful for their feet.

Those feet that they stand on, run on, walk on, climb with, kick with (yes, sometimes each other)...

Those feet that will support them throughout their lives. Who knows what grand adventures those feet will take them on! Some they will go on together, others on their own.

Those feet. My GOSH I love those feet.

(Hey! Hey, guys! I don't know if you know this, but I love those feet...) :)

A summer of soul stretching and mind expanding!

This really has been the summer for trying/doing/learning new things!

I absolutely recommend trying new things! It will stretch your soul and help you get in touch with YOU a whole lot better!!

LIFE BEGINS AT THE END OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE!

I've...

Planted an herb garden for the first time!

Watched my kid ride a sheep in a Kids Rodeo (Muttin' Bustin'!) (Yes, their new experiences qualify as my new experiences too!)

Learned a new lighting/portrait technique

Took a road trip to, and visited the city of Denver Colorado for the first time. I saw some breathtaking scenes along the way - talk about stretching the soul and expanding the mind! We had so many new experiences simply because we were in a new city, and drove long new roads and highways!

Learned how to make flower crowns.

Visited the brand new Museum of Natural Curiosity in Lehi, Utah with all four boys by myself (it was beyond our wildest imaginations and we loved it!)

I'm learning more about probiotics and was introduced to kefir, and it's been so fascinating to learn more about our bodies, they way they should work and how our society as a whole has gotten so far away from real foods! (Not a judgment, just absorbing all this new information!)




My husband and I went to the concert of the ridiculously talented and incredibly entertaining Lindsey Stirling - it's the first time we've ever been to a concert together and it was a life changing and incredibly inspiring experience!


This was a little bit before Summer officially started, but I learned how to make hand stamped jewelry! Can't forget that!!

I had the opportunity to teach 20ish youth (and some adults) about photography! It was so much fun for me and the first time I've been able to teach like that! Aah! It was great!

I've learned to cook some new Thai dishes! That's always fun (and dang delicious!)


Having new, positive experiences is what life is all about if you ask me! My boys (and I) have been thriving this summer as individuals and a family unit. Not saying it's been perfect or that my boys are well behaved all the time... because that would be lying.  :) But, it's been pretty wonderful so far!

I've also been learning a lot about myself in the process! Wow. More on that later, but in a nutshell I've been learning how to truly love and accept myself the way I really am - and these new experiences have helped relearn what I love and what I don't care much for! I've actually surprised myself a number of times! Things I thought I liked... I really, honestly don't and I've realized things that I love! All the while getting to know myself better! I'm finding myself more accepting of my physical self and all my "social imperfections" that just make me - me! I'm imperfect! Physically, socially, mentally, emotionally... so is everyone else! (See I'm rambling now! But really, I'll try to write more about that journey! It's pretty incredible!)

Try something new! Intentionally discover something about yourself! What makes you - you?! Because in all sincerity - You're pretty amazing. 

Go dance in the rain...

We had a few random downpours today. They didn't last long, but the rain drops were big! One of these downpours started as I was about to load my three youngest boys into a shopping cart and head on into good ol' WalMart for some misc shopping...

I was actually changing a diaper, half in, half out of the van when it began. My back was getting soaked! As soon as the bum was clean and the fresh diaper on, I jumped back into the driver's seat! We were cooped up in the van (by then they all had their belts off) and I was debating whether to wait it out or not.

So, naturally, we voted.

"Who wants to go through the rain?"

"ME!!!" voted the two and five year old.

They're boys. Of course they want to be in the rain!

So we loaded up in the now-soaked shopping cart that was just waiting for us...

And we got rained on. 

We didn't run. We didn't squeal. We just walked and talked through the rain...

And it was lovely.

"What does the rain smell like?"I asked,"How does the rain make you feel?"

"Marshmallows!" "Water!" "Cold!"

Yes. It was a moment.

And writing about it makes it more real.

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Literally.

Now, go dance in the rain!

Tough Guy.

Anyone out there a third child?

So is this guy. He's the third of our four boys, and sadly, this was the first time I took him out to get pictures of him. I mean, sure I have head shots of him, like I do all the boys, but I really don't have images that capture his personality... and we've never gone out just for him.

Of course, my first son has a plethora of images and one-on-one photo sessions... but for some reason this little bugger has gotten caught up in the mix and has been slightly over looked and photographically neglected. Well, his two big brothers are in school now... so we get more one-on-one time. I love it.

I am biased, but what a gorgeous kid! And his smile! Oh, I'm a sucker. I'll tell you what though, (if you'll let me brag for a sec) when he is sweet, he is the sweetest thing in existence! He is generous with his pleases and thank yous, (I wish I could take full credit for that, but they just come like that, you know?!) and that little voice is just angelic.

But don't let him fool you. Like any two year old he has his moments. And when he doesn't like what's going on... watch out because this kid is loud! And when he's in a mood, attitude seeps out of his pores. You can see it, can't you? Brrrrraah! Those are some tough learning moments for both of us.

I'll confess... it was hard to get images of him. He didn't hold still for two seconds unless he was being cautious with that board (he is my cautious one), and he did not want to look at the camera (believe it or not...) and he definitely wan't going to make this easy for me and just smile for it!  But obviously, I got a few keepers.

I love these images of him because 1) he's mine. and as his momma I am allowed to gush over him no matter how awful the lighting might be ;)  and 2) It's been a little while since I've done portraits for a little boy, and I remember how fun they are, even if they never stop moving!

It's been fun to "get to know" him better and spend time with him when his older brothers aren't trying to dominate every conversation and situation. He's got big personality in that little body. It makes me wonder what incredible things are in store for him!

If you're a third born, what tips do you have for me as a parent? What should I be aware of to help my third born? 

*side note, if you're interested in birth order: I'm a first born (of 6) and my husband is a second born (of 8).

That's me... but I'm not her.

Today I got my nails done. Shellacked, actually. (I have no idea how to actually spell that or if it's really a word). I had rainbow tipped nails but now their just white... like a french manicure. I love them.

I have always chewed my nails. It's a habit I have not been able to break. But shellacking my nails has worked miracles. I haven't bitten my nails in months. Breaking habits is freakin' hard. I read somewhere that you shouldn't focus so much on breaking a habit, but more on the behavior you're replacing it with.  Just a thought. More for me than you.

How long does it take to create a habit? 30 days? I have some positive habits I would like to incorporate into my daily life. Mostly into my personal morning routine. What is your morning routine like? Do you wake up when the kids do? Before them? If you don't have kids, do you wake up at the same time every morning?

When do you find time for you? To think about you? To get to know you better? What do you do for fun? What do you do what you don't have to do anything?

I'm having a slight identity crisis. Slight. Who am I if I'm not "mom"? If I'm not "wife"? I'm definitely not the same woman I was in college, before I was married. I have learned so much. Grown so much. So who am I now?


back in 2003/2004

That's me.

But I'm not her.

one marriage, 4 kids later...

I like me.  But I want to get to know me better.

How do you get to know you? 

So glad I have a few pictures of my boys...

The reason I chose to pursue portrait photography, 

My babies. 

I wanted lots and lots and lots of pictures of my babies!

Check.

And they are freaking adorable if I may say so myself.

Sticky Sweetness

He was a sticky mess and he fell asleep in my freshly laundered white sheets! For a second I was about to internally combust... but then I noticed how the light lit him up so angelically and my frustration just melted away... and I really truly savored the moment. (Good Momma brownie points for me!)

Changing my thinks... and feeling better.

I've been in a rut. Maybe it's the pregnancy, and it would be easy enough to blame my changing body and unbalanced hormones,  but in all honesty, I have been pretty ungrateful and a little unhappy. I have been focusing too much on the things I don't have and the things I should have and what's fair and what's not, that I've dug myself into an unhappy hole. And it's my own dang fault.

It's no easy thing to change your thinking process... even if you catch it early. It takes time and effort. So here is my effort in changing the way I think, and then the way I feel about the way things are right now. Because things are fine. Really. I'm just kind of a brat sometimes.

I am grateful that my children are healthy.
I am grateful my pregnancy has gone well.
I am grateful I have a warm home to live in.
I am grateful I have hot water to shower in, wash clothes in, wash dishes with and use whenever I want to.
I am grateful I have a washing machine.
I am grateful I have a warm bed to sleep in, with comfy blankets and pillows.
I am grateful that my boys have a father that they adore, and that he loves them back 10x more.
I am grateful for in-laws who have become some of my closest friends.
I am grateful that I can be forgiven by my Heavenly Father for my mistakes and short comings.
I am grateful I am here on this earth, at this time, learning and growing closer to my Heavenly Father and my Savior from my experiences.
I am grateful for warm socks.
I am grateful for my warm sweaters and jackets.
I am grateful for my mother.
I am grateful for my father.
I am grateful for the things I do have.
I am grateful for my developing talents.
I am grateful for inspirational music, and that others share their talents!
I am grateful for a running toilet.
I am grateful for electricity.
I am grateful for the sunshine.
I am grateful for my friends and neighbors.
I am grateful for my husband's hard work and sacrifices.
I am grateful for the hugs, kisses and smiles of my boys.

There. I feel a lot better.

Life is good, even when it's not perfect.

 

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Have a beautiful weekend!

The Essence of My Life

 

Photography is art, right? Of course it is! Well - it can be.

Of the thousands of images I make of my children (my world, my life) only a few a year really blow me away and make me think, I have to put this one up in my home.

And it should be big.

I love doing this for other people too. There's nothing like going into a friend or family members home to see a picture I took displayed on their wall. 

The first time that ever happened, it was a picture of a bunch of plumerias that I took (on film!) and gave to my grandma and aunt. I think I was 18. I even signed it. Even still, 10 years later, when I see it up on my grandma's wall - I smile. It's just an awesome feeling!

I have big plans for our front room... with big pictures... I just haven't created the right image... until this week. I still need a few more, but I am thrilled that I have images that I adore. No, not adore - it's more than that. They are images I can't stop looking at! (vain? sorry.) The technicalities of the images are beautiful - but what takes my breath away is that they are images of my children. They are what my world revolves around (and my husband, too, of course!). 

Anyway. This thought came to my mind and it felt so good I had to write it down. Then I had to type it up. Then I had to design it.

The end. 

Ringling Bros, The Greatest Show on Earth

The Circus was incredible!! My husband's uncle travels with the circus as one of the musicians (did you know all their music is live?!) so we all go to see it when he comes to town!

It's absolutely magical.

We ate way too much cotton candy and popcorn, and danced and laughed and cheering and whooped and were anxious then relieved and amazed! After just about every act, my 4 year old would yell that was totally awesome! And it was. Yes, it was!

My husband and I agreed that our favorite acts were the Lions and Tigers (HOLY.SMOKES.), the Shaolin Kung-Fu Masters, and any act with the clowns. The horses made me nervous (A few of them were having an "off" night and one in particular was not cooperating... but it made it all that much more exciting!!!) The Elephants are always fascinating. The Trapeze did not disappoint... nothing did. AH! It was all soooo cool!

The lighting was difficult to work with and mostly I just wanted to absorb it all, but I did get these two images that I am pleased with, so I'll share them.  They are from the pre-show on the floor.

Enjoy! And go do something magical this weekend!!

 

Okay... and one more just to show how much fun we had =)

 

My Top Online Photography Resources

I have never taken a photography class, though I would love to.

In retrospect, my learning process has been slow and often frustrating. I'm sure at least one class would have saved me months or years of trial and error.

Be that as it may, I have always loved photography. I love seeing something (without a camera) and think, I know how I would want to capture that. Capturing it the way I imagine is the challenge.

Not to say I haven't had help! Years ago, I was able to spend some time with the talented Naomi Masina and it changed my life. Among the invaluable advice she gave, learning to use the functions of my camera (learning to shoot in "M") changed everything about my photography - for the best.

While some of the help I've received is from real people in real life, most of the resources I go to are online.

A few of my favorites are:

Digital Photography School
I get weekly emails from DPS that I look forward to. There are tutorials for days on technique, post editing, and the business side of photography. There are weekly assignments and contests which can be fun. This is the site I go to most often.

Another great site is
Improve Photography

and I regularly keep up with all the information that is readily shared on

The Utah Photographers Group on Facebook.

You can organize and find so many tutorials and ideas from many different sources on Pinterest as well. Whether you're the DIY (Do It Yourself) kind of person or want to invest in a photographer you can gather inspiration and take your images to the next level.

These are only a few of the thousands out there. Because of all the talent and resources out there, it can be downright intimidating. I try not to let myself get caught up in the idea of competing with other photographers, and instead try to share what little I've learned with those who can benefit from it. 

Photography isn't my life, it is my passion. My family is my number one priority and anytime photography needs to, it can take a back seat (for a long while if needs be).

I think (hope!) there will be a season in my life where I will be able to take those classes I never did and pursuit my dream of running a successful, "full-time" photography business! 

In the mean time, I will just keep doin' what I'm doin'!


  

Can I PLEASE....

Can I PLEASE just go back and dive into that water and soak up the sun and watch my boys have the time of their lives?!?! Just for a day at least... (but preferably much, much longer!)

Please excuse the interruption in our regular programming… {Angry Birds Birthday Party}

My oldest turned 5. FIVE, people! (Those of you who have multiple children over the age of 5 may go ahead and roll your eyes, or patronizingly grin at me).  Either way, it  kind of blow my mind (or “blows up my mind” as the said 5 year old would say.) I’m not super crafty or creative but since discovering Pinterest, my self-esteem and courage in these departments has gone up… like… a ton. So here are some ideas I found for the chosen theme of “Angry Birds” (it’s what he wanted, and I was blown away at  all the ideas I found!)

Disclaimer: Please do not judge my photography by these straight-out-of-the-crappy-phone-camera-pictures! I don’t even own a decent phone camera. Shameful. (ha.)

After the boys went to bed, Cam and I blew up all these balloons and put them in his room to wake up to (big hit!)

 

Using this template, I traced angry bird faces out, the boys colored them, I cut them out and they helped me tape them on. We hung these up with ribbon with the streamers (not pictured, so use your pretty imaginations!) No, that is NOT on his head, he is holding it in front of his face as if an angry bird (phew, glad I clarified!)

All of the angry bird balloons and a home made pinata on the left, ( I used this one for inspiration)

My budget wasn’t extensive so we got some stickers and let him make goodie bags for each of his friends. Peeeerfect!

 

And the cake pops. Oh, the cake pops! I’ve never  made them before. In fact, I have never worked with white almond bark, candy melts or fondant for that matter! It was pretty much Intricate Cake Pops for dummies. If you want to know what I now know, leave a comment with your email and I will personally send you the lessons learned (yes, I wrote them up because they were that extensive!) To sum it up, they were positively delicious. But only 4 of 17 were slightly cute or survived. Notice the green one in the back falling off the stick? Yeah…. and the blue ones were going to be birds… and I didn’t even bother taking any shots of the red ones…. LOL… I’m laughing to myself just thinking about the red ones… oh boy.

Anyway, these four pigs survived (ironically!) which was perfect because he had 4 friends over (we keep it simple around here) and each got to take one home. I didn’t get a shot of  the simple cake with a fondant pig  head on it… LOL… oh boy… that just sounds wrong!

Anyway! Cam bought some Angry Bird dog toys from Wal-Mart. The kids build structures with small boxes, placed the toy piggies and all threw their squeaky  angry bird at the structure. They did that most of the party, it was awesome entertainment for everyone! We even had a slingshot but it was broken during intensive practice before the  party…

Angry Birds Birthday Party gets a 5out of 5 stars from me! The guys and the girls had a blast!